Smacked over the head.

John is in a coma...this smacked me over the side of the head today. He might not come out, or if he does he might be a Veggie for the rest of his life. This seriously gives me a horrible taste in my mouth. I mean he is one of the best friends I have online. I realize how odd that sounds but if you knew John you would understand how this is possible. When ever we are both on we are always joking with each other.

If I could adopt people into a family. I would call him a brother. One of those bigger brothers that just wants to have fun with you. that just wants to make you smile and loves it when you make him smile back. one of my biggest regrets in life, is probably going to be never being able to hang out with him irl.

We have rped together, run agame together and over all had a lot of fun writing together. Its both one of our passions. We where a good match, we could play brother and sister easily, we could play friends with little effort. All of this screams at me that he is someone I would have loved to have in my life a lot longer.

I just hope he is okay. He makes me laugh and has been my muse for more writers block days that I can remember. I guess if he passes I am going to have to write a book in his honor. Something for our friends to remember him by forever. I just rather not have to write it. That's all...

Starting out...

Starting out in this blog thing. I hope that I can actually do this well. My husband is in the army and he is going to be deploying soon. It scares the living shit out of me honestly. I don't know why. Probably because nothing is certain in war and he might not be coming back. Though everyone tells me I have to be hopeful, honest and all of that. Everyone tells me I have to be positive. Well damnit I don't feel positive. I don't feel it in the least. I am supposed to rely on my religion.

A religion I haven't fallen back on in the longest time. I haven't actually gone to church. I feel the whole from it and miss it mind you, but at the same time I am worried that it will be infected by people. You see I understand why you need people around but at the same time to many people it brings it to a sense of over crowding and then conflict and drama happens.

 I can't stand drama. Honestly it drives me nuts...I just want to get out and spend time with friends. I want to be popular with out all the drama that comes with conflicting personalities... Who knows. Maybe I will surprise people..Maybe they will surprise me..