Day one

He left today. So i guess this is technically day one. Yeah that is right I made it through one day already. I don't know what to think or do about this but over all I think i am hanging in there. I went to Dr Bob's today and got fixed a bit. Learned some very important things about my body. Like I have scoliosis. :( which isn't good but it could be why my back hurts so much.

He is going to fix me though, so that is going to be good. Over all I am holding up well. I haven't gone to bed in the bed yet, its always been the couch. Hell I really haven't gone to bed yet. I don't know what this is going to  do tomorrow. I mean I could be doing anything from laundry, which I really need to do to going out.

You know what I think I am going to just have a day in Have a day where I clean the house so its perfect for me, maybe even vaccum, that would be a real treat honestly.get all this dog hair out of the fucking way.

Over all my mood is alot better then I thought it would be. You know I honestly thought I would be depressed but I am actually really excited. I don't like being alone, but at the same time, its not as scary as I thought it would be.

I just hope the rest of the deployment goes so easy. man I really feel like I should be writing Rob a letter :( but at the same time, I worry that i just don't have it in me tonight. I think I am going to do it tomorrow. If nothing else at least an email, because he can read those on his phone.

I miss and love everyone up north but this is getting to be way to freaking fun.

Less then two days..

two days. Less then that really and we haven't really been able to be together. I don't know what to do honestly, but then again he has so much to do and with my insominia who knows. I am hoping that my new hours will lead to the fact I am up at the same time he is when he is over there.

Today he said that they will have alot of down time so hopefully that means he can get onto his laptop and we can chat alot. I am hoping that this is nothing more then basic and AIT again. I hope. But then again its 5 months then 7 months. with two weeks in there that we don't get to leave a bedroom. Maybe.

Honestly I want to not be pregnant until the two weeks of R&R. I want to have is so he comes home to a very pregnant wife and gets to see the birth of his children. We can dream right?

So, now what do I get to do while he is gone? Hold down the fort so to speak. I get to relax and just do the becky things. I think I am going to start out with a massage, try to relax with him gone. I gotta figure out a work out schedual, so I think a WII is going to be in order as well as getting my bike back up. If I can get to biking every where I will once again be a thin little thing. When he gets home I want to surprise the living crap out of him on how his wife looks. Knock him off his feet so to speak.

I hope this year goes by fast. Very fast. I can't believe I am giving half my heart to the other half of the world but I do hope that it yields new experiences for hima nd some for me also. I want to get out of the house more and take photos. I want to be..alive. I guess I toss myself to the wind again, Here is hoping that I do well.

One week and counting

One week until he leaves. I am not sure how I should feel about this. But I am going to just make do with the time I got right now with him. We are staying up as much as we can in hopes of squeezing every moment we can with each other. I don't want him to leave, but at the same moment I also don't want him to stay because the sooner he leaves the sooner he can come back.

I hate this feeling, knowing I am going to be alone soon...its horrible and discouraging..Very discouraging...

Smacked over the head.

John is in a coma...this smacked me over the side of the head today. He might not come out, or if he does he might be a Veggie for the rest of his life. This seriously gives me a horrible taste in my mouth. I mean he is one of the best friends I have online. I realize how odd that sounds but if you knew John you would understand how this is possible. When ever we are both on we are always joking with each other.

If I could adopt people into a family. I would call him a brother. One of those bigger brothers that just wants to have fun with you. that just wants to make you smile and loves it when you make him smile back. one of my biggest regrets in life, is probably going to be never being able to hang out with him irl.

We have rped together, run agame together and over all had a lot of fun writing together. Its both one of our passions. We where a good match, we could play brother and sister easily, we could play friends with little effort. All of this screams at me that he is someone I would have loved to have in my life a lot longer.

I just hope he is okay. He makes me laugh and has been my muse for more writers block days that I can remember. I guess if he passes I am going to have to write a book in his honor. Something for our friends to remember him by forever. I just rather not have to write it. That's all...

Starting out...

Starting out in this blog thing. I hope that I can actually do this well. My husband is in the army and he is going to be deploying soon. It scares the living shit out of me honestly. I don't know why. Probably because nothing is certain in war and he might not be coming back. Though everyone tells me I have to be hopeful, honest and all of that. Everyone tells me I have to be positive. Well damnit I don't feel positive. I don't feel it in the least. I am supposed to rely on my religion.

A religion I haven't fallen back on in the longest time. I haven't actually gone to church. I feel the whole from it and miss it mind you, but at the same time I am worried that it will be infected by people. You see I understand why you need people around but at the same time to many people it brings it to a sense of over crowding and then conflict and drama happens.

 I can't stand drama. Honestly it drives me nuts...I just want to get out and spend time with friends. I want to be popular with out all the drama that comes with conflicting personalities... Who knows. Maybe I will surprise people..Maybe they will surprise me..